Lets reflect shall we.....Future is bright..wear shades.

Ever find yourself looking back.  Looking where you were, reflecting, comparing who you were 6 months before, a year before, 10 years before.  Thinking that maybe if you shared, you could help someone else out there feeling low?

I do this alot.  If I wrote it down every time I did it, i'd have time for nothing else.  I find reflection healthy.  It's the only way to learn.  Look back, see where things changed, own what you contributed to that change and then work through it, either make it better or stay the same.  But at least reflect. 

Reflection is good.  Opening up and being honest about your past can only enhance your future.
At least, that is how I see things.

A year ago, my world forever changed.  Life had been rocky for awhile, not going to lie about that.  The ex and i had become distant.  Different people.  At the time, I figured this was as good as life was going to get, that everyone goes through these spells that it would be fixable.  It wasn't.  He filed.  I can look back now and say, yup, brave was the right thing to do.  But at the time, i was devastated.  Felt like my whole world was just imploding.  Kid, house, a lifetime of family and friends was ALL going to change.  And I hated him for a short period.  And I say a short period, because that is what it truly was, a short period.  So it started with "we can get through this without animosity" and "we'll do this as easily as possible"
yeah LIES
It never goes that way.  I dont care who you are, what your situation is, there will come a time, if you ever have to go through this, where that is all just BULLSHIT. 
We got angry
We got hurt back and forth
We got even cruel.
However, we grew up.  I dont think I have ever had a span of growth like the one I had in the first 6 months of that separation.    To learn, to respect that your CHILD's welfare is above all else the most important thing ever.  To realize that a house, while it was a home at one time, is just a thing.  That spending countless hours going through EVEYRTHING you ever bought together, took pictures of, saved, they are, in the end, just things. 
The day I lost my Star cat...my buddy, my forever bud, even then, my ex was there.  Not as a husband anymore, but there was caring left  He was still, able to show compassion for the pet i loved for 8 years.  Was there to drive me home when I couldn't see the road for crying.. it's a moment like that, when you start to reflect.... Could we get past the cruelty..the hate....the upset?
You have to learn from this.  Grow from it and move ever forward.

There is no point in giving into to the hate.  I realize people can.  I realize and own that I was going there, that I started to get reckless...not caring about anyone other than myself.....started to get selfish.
I stopped.  I knew that regret would settle in if i didn't stop.

So I decided to grow instead.
Funny thing about deciding to grow instead of wallow.  You start to be able to let go of hurt.  Of upset...and you can even start to smile.
you begin to appreciate those around you that even when you were at your lowest, were still there.
You recognize bullshit much quicker and it becomes easier to remove people from your life that do nothing but drag you down.
You're able to find new love.  New adventures, new happiness.

Dont get me wrong, it wasn't all this magical unicorn filled wonderness...it took work.  And it was SCARY as all hell. 
But  here I stand.  A year later.  Bought a home.  Have done it on my own.  My son is happy, best i've ever seen him as of late.  And for the first time, in a long time, I can say that I am happy.

And what became of all the hate between my ex and I?

Well, we dont hate each other, that's for sure.
We definately made the right decision in not being together
We're both  happier people apart.
We've both met new people and while I can't speak for him personally, I know im happier in my personal life.
Do we interfere in each others lives....definately not.  I honestly thought at a point we might, but in the end, we both agreed, nothing good comes of that.  Seriously i've known  him for 22 years, i can read him like a book, and im sure vice versa, but I dont care what he does now.  As long as our child is happy and safe, he can date who he likes.
It's not like I have any right to do that.  And why cause the headache.

So for anyone out there feeling low.  Feeling like you can't "do" something because it's too hard
it's never too hard.
it's up to you to decide how you wish to live
how you wish to view the world
and how you want to grow as an adult...
So strap on the big boy/girl panties...and move forward.
Live by YOUR rules
Try to keep that golden rule close
and find happiness.....